Hunted by a cougar

I've trekked through lots of forests up and down the west coast, spanning from Alaska down to deserts in California and Mexico, but I've never been stalked by a cougar... until today.

Ask any moderately drunk individual, and they'll concede that I am a pretty decent looking fellow to behold. Without being imbibed, and I'm just better than marginal, despite telling myself overt pleasantries in the mirror every morning. Roar.

However, today, at my adequate State job, I was cornered rather quickly by an over-40 lady. She was really upfront about it, "I've been checking you out..." and, "I think we should get to know each other better..." and "what is your dating status?" It was kinda awkward, because, this is the first time a "cougar" has taken me on. I guess my musk smell needs to be amped up. Of course, my philosophy is, if you're checking someone out, the first thing you do it look at the left ring finger. That's kind of a tall-tell sign in my opinion. I should add, I really do not know this woman at all, I've been at this job for over 2 months, 6 weeks of which were training.

Over the seven years I've been married (7 years as of today), I've been approached, now, 4 times with extra-marital affair offers. I guess I am starting to look closer to my age if the cougars are coming out of the wood-work. In some regards, I'd rather face a real wild cat in the wilderness, as that would be a cool story, and there'd be no penalty for shooting them. Doesn't translate well into this circumstance, however.

In the end, she thanked me for being honest and faithful to my wife. She, on the other hand, had been married for well over a decade, and now divorced for just under a decade. Still, her parting words were, "look me up if your situation changes or if you're feeling weak." Bold, but not smooth. Maybe I'll cut out personal hygiene... or maybe I'll just start caring a gun.

Bad kitty!

Bad!