This is your real award.

"Let go." It's somewhere between being fired and laid off. Doesn't matter too much, for thus are the words I heard at the end of my work day. The same manager that gave me an award for my Halloween costume earlier in the day, would then hand me a letter advising me that they were letting me go during my 'trail period.' The best reason I was given, which was cited in the letter, was that my behavior was not inline with the core values of the department. I suspect it has to do with me advising a few co-workers and others about legal options for discrimination and workers' compensation issues. That would put me out of line with state business, or specifically, my job. In Oregon, employers do not actually have to give you a specific reason to be fired, or, as they told me, "let go."

I also have to wonder about the whole cougar incident. See, at one point my manager offered to put in a cubicle quad with other "seasoned" workers. Unfortunately, they wanted to put me in the same quad as the cougar. I quietly declined, and I was asked as to why not. I said that one of the women in there had come onto me, and that I just wanted to avoid any potential situation. Well that ballooned into a subsequent interrogation a few days later with HR reps, and words like "sexual harassment" were being dropped. If I had said 'yes' to the sexual harassment, and played ball, maybe I'd still be employed. The cougar was on probation anyway and apparently had been cited for relationships within the workplace before. I kinda feel like a martyr. I don't know if she was fired or not.

Instead, being the new guy and vehemently interested in self-preservation, I said that it was no big deal, I didn't want to make an issue of it, and that there was nothing further on the matter. Sadly, hindsight is 20/20, and perhaps my foresight wasn't working. And she never really gave up on pursuing me, but at the same time, other women we starting to drop hints too. Not all that unexpected when the workforce is close to 80% women, many of whom are unmarried.

Now I have two things to accomplish; find a new job as soon as possible, and remind myself of all the things I didn't like about that job. Not too hard, since I really did like the training, but being confined to an 8 x8 foot cubicle everyday (I was in my own) was hard. I really felt like an animal in a zoo cage. Still, this was supposed to be my launching point into a better state job, even though a 9 month hiring freeze was taking effect Nov. 1 through June. Or in other words, I don't know if I would have made it anyway. But at least I would have tried.

Stress and depression are merely a stone throw away. The financial burden will bear down quickly, so I suppose I had best get looking through those classified ads. Wish me luck, meanwhile, I'll be playing 'manny' with my daughter. And that's not so bad, but it isn't what I should be doing.