The Recurring Nightmare

I couldn't sleep. Not at first, anyway. And in retrospect, it was my fault because I took a nap earlier in the afternoon. I am totally against naps; for if I take one, then I know the consequences later on, the same one I faced this night when I tried to fall asleep.

Anyway, that's not the point.

I have a nightmare, and it isn't like normal ones people have. People dream of being chased or falling, or whatever. Those don't bother me. I have an acute ability to control many aspects of my dreams. I even have a journal specifically kept for recording dreams, although it isn't as up-to-date as I used to keep it. Still, it's there, detailed in many regards, and seemingly interesting to many people who happen to read it (it's not that personal to me). Yet this dream from an hour ago, is one of a few that I normally would not record. But, I think it is time I started.

I was at an old house, classic white paint on the outside, expected farm house decor inside. The interesting thing about this house is that it had a courtyard in the backyard, with these extending arms of the house encompassing the area. And it was large, very large, with the arms of the house coming together at a point that made a smaller building which I think was an old carriage or maybe laundry spot from older times. Maybe even a deluxe outhouse. The point is that you could walk on these covered wings around the courtyard and make a big circle.

Now, dreams by nature are very cloudy, so I have to be careful at times and not 'fill in the blanks' where no details really are. So, I cannot say why I was there, or why, in reflection, I opted to stay the night there, or specifically, why we decided to sleep in the courtyard save for the fact it was a bright starry night. As for the general setting, it was out in the countryside, but there were neighbors not too far off in the distance.

As for who was there, obviously me, some 6-7 year old little girl named "Kelli" and then another adult female who may or may not have been my wife. And again, we decided to sleep outside in the courtyard, although I remember not having a sleeping bag -- just a bunch of thing blankets and a pillow. Though, that didn't seem to bother me and we were giddy about the whole ordeal.

I should mention that this farm house is abandoned. Yeah, I know, that makes a huge difference. The paint is chipping, the wood is rotting, and we're sleeping next to an old fire pit that transients had created some time ago. We didn't light it, but naturally you gravitate towards such areas for camping. And the there are large swaths of dead grass areas around and near the fire pit.

Sleep comes, sorta. For the adult woman, she has no trouble sleeping and is out soon. But Kelli and I don't get to sleep. Actually, we feel weird. She and I are closest to each other while the other person is below next to our feet. (As a matter of reference, the woman is closer to the extra building and we're more towards the house.) This weirdness is something of uneasy feeling, kind of hard to describe, but eventually we hear words, slowly, a murmur, hoping it is something it is not, and then it is clear; "A woman was murdered here. Help me!"

Kelli and I are instantly whispering to each other. But it feels like we can't speak very loudly as we couldn't roust the other woman at all. Still, the same phrase keeps getting repeated and Kelli is in a state of shock, barely making audible noises. At least once I get up to survey the area -- just to make sure this isn't a hoax. But it isn't, and I knew it wasn't. I did, however, establish a point of origin. Next to the fire pit, closer to us two, is a dead patch of grass that looks as though oil had been spilled over it. Standing in that area caused me to be very nauseous and hear the words clearly, "...murdered and burnt here..."

At the same time, I felt very trapped when I got back into my bedding. Why did I get back into the bedding, I know not. But I was pinned in it. And I couldn't speak well. And so many other things occupying my mind, cluttering it from sensible thinking. I was still trying to communicate with Kelli, but felt powerless at the same time. But what else, the woman, or as I concluded, ghost, had ceased to speak, but some power was still over me.

The night ended, morning came, and camp was adjourned. Only Kelli and I had noticed (or experienced) the incident. Yet somehow, this tall guy whom I instantly distrusted with thinning hair and a shirt he was swimming in, somehow, talked us into staying another night, but not only that, staying outside. Was he going to do it? No. Just us three, and by that I mean us two since the woman adult would be asleep, probably. Maybe he was a Realtor, ya never know.

I kind of expedited that last paragraph, but the details for that part are seemingly non consequential. But here is what happened...

She fell asleep, immediately. No surprise there. And as the night edged on, the whispering leached from the ground. Inaudible at first, but slowly, carefully, repeated precisely the same message as before. Again Kelli and I confirmed our ears. Kelli hid under her blankets and wept quietly. I was looking all over for a glimpse or something. But she stopped speakingly suddenly. And for a second, my thoughts were collected, I could breathe and we were getting out of there.

Until the real issue of my nightmare began. These are the things that I dare not write before, but I know them to be accurate. It is at this time of my dream that real power takes control of my capacity. Real, unmitigated raw power. It ceased me by the neck, held me down and squeezed violently. I knew what it was.

My first experience of knowing there were unseeable evil forces out there was 10 years ago, while I was living in Monmouth. I was a hedonistic fellow of sorts, not having too much care in the world. Not sure where I was going one particular afternoon, but I happened to walk by a TV that was on in the living. No one else was home, but then, there were 3-6 guys living in the house at any given time. It was an big, old TV, connected to a satellite dish that got only 6 channels or so, still, it was free. One of them was MTV2, before MTV ruined it. Back then, all they did was play music videos and the only commercials were for the channel itself, "Watch MTV2!" Done deal.

On that after afternoon, I was walking by when the video of Aphex Twins, "Come to Daddy" played. I watched it because, I thought, it was intriguing. A bunch of sadistic little children, all wearing a quasi-demonic face, going around beating up old people. Then they all come running home to this demon with the exact same face who yells full force into this old lady's face. It was ... something else.

People talk about the "still, small voice" of the Holy Ghost/Spirit. I can't claim much of the same, but I can tell you this; when that music video came to an end, there was a voice, clear as bell ringing, which said, "That could be your power..." And I knew from that point that evil is very real. I wasn't sure what that power exactly was -- leading children astray, but I do know that I was alone, and those words were inches from my ear.

So I have dreams of people I know being possessed right before my eyes. It's Emily Rose all over the place. And the first thing I do is rebuke them in God's name. It used to work like lightening, but over the years, as I've learned to quickly recognize these in my dreams, something else has begun to happen: they immediately use their power to cease my throat and choke off my words before I can say it. I didn't even perceive it this time, however.

Thus my dream continues, with my airflow surrendered to an unseen force, pinned down in my blankets, with no one to aide me as my life gets pushed under. So as I lay there without options, one finally did occur; to pray. And as soon as that lucid thought entered my mind, I woke up. It was all gone. Just another epiphany to my testament of good versus evil. And it is scary. It's after 4am, I'm not sleepy. Concerned. That battle is up a notch and I've got to find a new tactic.

Of course, I prayed. Said a long one. Then I listened to the floorboards creep upstairs, and then some rabid raccoon gutted a squirrel next door. Thing sounded maniacal, greedily eviscerating the other animal midst painful screams. Didn't help at all. But I don't fear those sorts of things, that's why there are guns, if needed. But what do I do for something that has taken a more strategic tactic? I guess I pray...

In an attempt to understand my dream, I recognize the following; spirits yield to higher powers, so that ghost probably wanted attention, specifically, an acceptable ending to a traumatic end. But I suspect she was sacrificed and her body of evidence burned away. Still, she was also an invitation to something worse, which ceased upon me -- a first for me.

Oh, that video is on youtube, not that I'll watch it again, and not that you'll get the same experience, but for matter of reference you know where to go.