Not like the movies

Last night when I went to bed, I noted that my band aid had come off my thumb.

Saturday evening, I went the easy route for cooking and baked a frozen pizza. Sure, I spruced it up by adding more pepperoni and olives, but frozen pizzas taste like frozen pizzas; I don't care what Digiorno's tells us in their commercials. Anyway, while reaching into the drawer to retrieve the pizza cutter, my right thumb grazed the potato peeler and efficiently grated a nice chunk out of the tip of my thumb. That potato peeler has never been so effective!

Well, it bleed quit a bit, so I had to get a band aid for it lest I add more sauce to the pizza than desired. Of course, they really do not make band aids for the tip of your thumb with a skin flap that just kinda dangles there. So I tailored a band aid to suit my needs. I do it all the time, actually. As a matter of fact, if there was a pageant for tailored band aids, I would be a band aid beauty quee ... uhm, nevermind.

Anyway, the point is that my haute couture band aid was missing when I went to bed last night. And I can't sleep with that errant flap of skin rubbing the wrong away against the blankets. It just feels wrong. And rather than sculpting a new band aid, I opted to do what I had heard of, and then recently seen in the new Incredible Hulk movie, which is to improvise with super glue. And lo and behold, I had just bought 2 tubes of it last week. It was destiny, obviously.

So, at about 1am or thereabouts, I decided it was time to McGyver my injuries. Well, I opened up a tube and I guess I was holding it wrong because a huge glob of glue emerged over the wound. Naturally, I tried to quickly spread it into the area and you'll never guess what happened. Yeah, all of a sudden my index finger was glued to my thumb, making the world's most perfect 'A-OK' sign. I would have won that pageant too. Not to mention some sort of Darwin award, although that usually entails death and I hadn't made it that far, yet.

Next step in this brave process was pulling out a steak knife and cutting the two fingers apart. It took way too long, and not surprisinly, the flap of skin was not secured. Another glob came out, an this time I got the flap of skin down, but also managed to get the bottle of super-glue stuck to my thumb as I was using that to secure the flap down. Ridiculous! Looked so much easier in the movies! But, I was able to get it off with some moderate pulling.

So this morning, I looked at my worthy self-made reparations. Behold! I now have a dead flap of skin stuck to my body. Yeah, apparently I should have just cut off the flap of skin an moved on with my life. Now I have to wait for the glue to wear off and let my body heal itself, without my meddling. So that means, of all the pageants I could have won, clearly the pageant of stupidity was my fortee. C'est la vie...